Common Knowledge

Marriage Is Not a Prison

“Intimacy is what makes a marriage, not a ceremony, not a piece of paper from the state.”

--Kathleen Norris--

“There is no observation more frequently made by such as employ themselves in surveying the conduct of mankind, than that marriage, though the dictate of nature, and the institution of Providence, is yet very often the cause of misery, and that those who enter into that state can seldom forbear to express their repentance, and their envy of those whom either chance or caution hath withheld from it.”

--Samuel Johnson--

“Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly.”

--Voltaire--

On November 2, Mary Mitchell wrote an article titled “Enough of this selfishness: Time for black men to act like men”, which essentially charged many unmarried brothers with being “selfish” or not acting like a man. Well, guess what? I am sick and tired of people and articles like the one that Ms. Mitchell wrote!

Before I start my rant, (that is what my wife calls my passionate delivery of ideas via an oral or written medium), I must state that I have a lot of respect and love for Mary Mitchell and I am not an anti-marriage brother. However, I must respectfully disagree with her on this one. I truly believe that most people, brothers included, have an emotional need for intimacy. The intimacy that I am referring to is not a physical intimacy. It is emotional. In my humble opinion you can not have emotional intimacy without commitment. And there is no greater commitment than marriage. Since it is such a great commitment, it should be entered into by choice not coercion. The greatest danger to marriage is divorce and the breeding grounds for divorce are marriages that were entered into because of convenience, coercion, peer pressure, or ignorance. The best advertisements for marriage are happy couples not judgmental people.

I am tired of the same old tired, archaic, and unpersuasive directives that are aimed at single people everyday. It is not a crime to be single. I joke with people that marriage has a bad reputation and the number one thing that gives marriage this bad reputation are married people! How? Think about it? Some married people unintentionally paint marriage as a prison, a death sentence, an ending of youth, vitality, passion and adventure all in the name of moral superiority, duty, or the new reason-- economics! And these folks wonder why many brothers with good jobs, good looks, or good game, i.e. brothers with choices, do not choose to get married until later in life. Do you blame them? I don’t. Why would anyone choose to enter into something where it appears they will be losing freedom, youth, and/or good sex instead of gaining the great joys of intimacy and a life partner?

We live in a country with choices. You have a choice in what you want to be in life. You have a choice of where you want to live. And you have a choice of how you want to live. That means that if someone chooses to get married and have a bunch of children then that is fine. If someone wants to stay single and never have children then that is fine too. Neither choice is automatically morally superior, more responsible, or better than the other. It depends upon the needs of the individual. And like most things a person’s needs can change over time, although it is less of a problem when a bachelor decides to get married as opposed to when a married man decides he wants to be a bachelor. It is up to that individual to be mature, honest, and strong enough to resist the temptation to follow the herd and walk on their own path understanding that there are always consequences to their choices. Bachelorhood may ultimately lead to loneliness or it may not. A bad marriage can lead to misery, but a good marriage will provide intimacy, which will bring happiness.

In my humble opinion it is unfair, immoral, and immature to think that everybody has to make the same life’s choice that you do and it is wrong to try to coerce them down a path that you think they should go. Marriage is too great of a commitment to enter into for any other reason then a choice based on that two individuals' needs. The truth is that most brothers would enjoy being married to the right sister, but many may never know because of the scary picture that is portrayed everyday by mismatched couples. Maybe it is time to start talking about what marriage is really about instead of harassing brothers into entering into a misunderstood institution.

The funny thing about Ms. Mitchell’s article is that it really was not about the need for more brothers to get married. It was really about the need for more brothers, and sisters, to refrain from having children out of wedlock and to make better choices in life. There is no need to “marry your baby’s mother” if you do not have a baby’s mother that is not already your wife. I whole heartedly agree with Ms. Mitchell on that point, but I guess that is an article for another day.

Run It Back

Last week a few articles were written about how African-Americans make about 72 cents on a dollar as compared to White folks with around the same level of education and skills. I started to write an article about it and how we as a community must start to work harder to reverse that fact. But I realized that I have already written an article that addresses at least one strategy that does not involve waiting for help from our government for our community to achieve economic parity. My Momma used to repeatedly harp on important lessons in order to get me to learn them. She would always say that she was willing to keep telling me until either I finally learned my lesson or she became blue in the face. My Momma never once had a blue face, but I did learn some lessons the hard way so I guess it is my turn. Some ideas are worth repeating. I am going to republish an article from eight months ago. In a way I guess you can say I going to "run it back." Here it is:

“First it is necessary to stand on your own two feet. But the minute a man finds himself in that position, the next thing he should do is reach out his arms.”

---Kristin Hunter---

Last week I stated that I would share my ideas about what can be done to promote African-American economic empowerment. Well, the first thing I must say is that I am not so conceited to believe that in my few years on this earth I can come up with a solution to a situation that has been going on for over four hundred years. My idea is not meant to be a panacea to our collective economic situation. I am certain that there are many different ways of attacking our economic situation as a community. I am also certain that several different remedies will need to be applied before we will be able to raise our economic status. However, I do think that we must develop, maintain and then integrate our networks.

When I talk about building a network I do not mean “networking” in the manner that it has traditionally been used. I don’t mean parties that are passed off as “networking” opportunities. I don’t mean “get togethers” where everyone is putting on airs and trying to impress the finest woman or man in the room or trying to establish an edge over all the brothers or sisters in the room. Nor am I talking about sporadic functions that are nothing more than social pick up opportunities. I am talking about establishing African-American sub-communities around certain trades or professions. An example of a type of a sub-community is the Cook County Bar Association. This is the Bar Association for the African-American community that practice in Cook County. I have had the pleasure of meeting different African-American lawyers that practice in Chicago through my involvement in the Cook County Bar Association. I have also been able to do the same in Washington D.C. with the Washington Bar Association.

A network is a sub-community of people that share interests that stem from a profession, a trade or an ethnic or racial community. It is normally established by a group of people with interests in common getting to know one another and establishing social and commercial ties. How would that make a difference in building economic power in our community? Well, it will help in several ways. One it will help in circulating job opportunities in our community. According to statistics, only about twenty percent of the jobs that are available at any given time are advertised. That means that eighty percent of the jobs that are available are never advertised and that many of the people who are filling these jobs are probably getting their opportunities through someone that they know, i.e. a network. Another opportunity that networks present are business opportunities. The more people that you know the more potential business opportunities that may be available to you. Everyone is not necessarily interested in started or maintaining their own business, but the people from our community who are interested would be better served the better all of our networks are maintained. When I was in undergrad, I had the opportunity to join Alpha Phi Alpha Fraternity, Inc. When I was on line we were told that our line was only as strong as our weakest link. Well, the same is true for our community. We will never truly be able to progress forward economically as a community until we are able to establish, maintain and grow our networks.

We already have the makings of many large and prosperous networks today. We just need use what we already have available to us. If you went to college that is a potential network. If you served in the military that is a potential network. If you went to high school that is a potential network. If you joined a fraternity or sorority that is a potential network. If you are a plumber or an electrician or a carpenter or a doctor or a lawyer or a small businessperson or an accountant, these are all potential networks. We just need to one understand our opportunities and two stop believing in the propaganda of rugged individualism. No one gets to the top completely by themselves. There is an old Native American saying that “many hands make light work.” We have a lot of work to do in order to promote African-American empowerment.

It is Time to Deliver

“Let not thy will roar, when thy power can but whisper.”

--Dr. Thomas Fuller--

Last Tuesday the Democrats won control of both chambers of the United States Congress and the majority of the Governor Mansions around the country. Most black folks are loyal democrats so for many of “us” Tuesday was a long time coming and it was well worth the wait, however for the few black folks that are republican Tuesday must have been pretty excruciating. Since I am an independent I did not experience either emotion, but I must admit that I am hopeful.

I am hopeful that the members of the Congressional Black Caucus will use their newly earned access to power to deliver tangible results to their constituents. This is the best time to progress the national and local black agendas since every member of the Congressional Black Caucus is also a democrat. I want to be clear. I am not advocating for members of the Congressional Black Caucus to launch a wave of hearings or to constantly grab media time discussing “black issues.” No. I am talking about delivering results that have a direct positive consequence in the lives of people in our community.

On November 8, 2006, Laura Washington wrote a very timely article where she challenged the Democratic Party to deliver something tangible to our community. The tangible, and potentially historic, one result that she challenged the democrats to deliver was full voting rights for residents of the District of Columbia. I agree with the article, but not just on the issue of D.C. voting rights. I think plenty must be done to address the needs in the African-American that can be address by the federal government. The main reason why I feel hopeful is that for the first time in over a decade our issues can be addressed at the federal level without organizing a rally, launch a public campaign, or running to the media for attention. Our issues can be addressed in committee.

It is no secret that I am a critic of the two party system in general and the Democratic Party controlled machine here in Chicago. I have written about how the machine encourages bad government because it stifles choice based on merit as opposed to back room selections based on protecting the jobs of incumbents and the power of the machine. I am a firm believer in transparent government. Well, there is a difference between transparent government and posturing in front of the television, radio, and print media. Our community does not need any televised “forums” to discuss the crisis in our community. Now is the time for our elected statesmen to work together to deliver tangible results to our community. We do not need flash. We need results. And now it seems to be the perfect time to act.

Make Your Vote Count

“In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.”

--Bertrand Russell—

“Judge of a man by his questions rather than by his answers.”

--Voltaire--

Election Day Cometh!!! This Tuesday is Election Day. Every voting age American has a duty to get out and vote. And we also have just as much of a duty to know who and what we are voting for. I have heard, read, and watched a bunch of political commercials and advertisements from both parties. Each ad or commercial gives its reasons to vote for the respective candidate. I have also heard a lot of talk on talk radio stations, especially African-American stations, about getting out the vote in hopes of the democrats taking back Congress. Well, I must say that the most disturbing thing I have seen so far is what I feel is missing . . . independent candidates!

This Tuesday, scores of black folks are going to turn out to the polls to elect democrats in hopes of doing our part to help the democrats take back control of the United States House of Representatives and the United States Senate. The democrats may succeed or they may not. But the one thing I am certain of is that even if they do, much of the issues in our community that can and should be addressed by the federal government will not be resolved in the near future without extreme pressure by us instead of blind loyalty to any particular political party. I understand how the recent history of the republican party and even some recent actions by republican candidates in a few races around the country make it very difficult to look beyond their party and at the individual that is running in a race, but we must do it when there is a good candidate that happens to be a republican. We also must start to look at independents.

I want to be clear. I am not anti-democrat. I plan on voting for a few democrats on Election Day, just as I may vote for one or two republicans and a couple of independents. I do my best to make sure I caste my vote strictly based on issues instead of party loyalty. The problem is that the two parties, in Chicago it is really only one party, have created a “good old boy” network that suffocates potential public officials before they can ever present themselves to the people so it is rare to have viable independent candidates in Chicago.

During the past two months the number of political ads and commercials seems to have increased by a factor of ten. I have not seen, heard, or read anything about an independent candidate for any county, state or federal office. This is deeply disturbing. Why? I will tell you why. The past five years have brought a spate of indictments of politicians in Illinois on various charges, although all of the charges pretty much amount to an abuse of power. This abuse of power has cut across party lines. Politicians from the state and local level and their cronies have been filling up the federal criminal court system over the past five years and there does not appear to be an end to this trend in the near future. More indictments may come over the next year or so since there appears to be a couple of ongoing investigations still in progress.

I still believe in the presumption of innocence until proven guilty, but the number of convictions of politicians and their cronies on all levels of government in Illinois does point to an inescapable conclusion. That conclusion is that our current political environment where one party dominates power fosters corruption, government waste, and flat out bad government. This leads me to another conclusion, which is that we must start to look beyond party labels to identify good public officials. We also must start to evaluate our public officials by the content of their accomplishments in office or the feasibility of their ideas as candidates instead of their party label or their number of endorsements.

When we go out to vote we must remember it is not about the democrats. It is not about the republicans. It is not even about the independents. It is about your child’s education. It is about how safe your neighborhood is and will continue to be. It is about job, business, and entrepreneur opportunities. It is how we as a nation will continue to interact with the world community. It is about our national security. It is about the conditions of our roads. It is about how well the trash is picked up. It is about us. It is about what we need. It is about whether our elected officials can and will deliver solutions to our public needs. And if they do not or have not, then it is more than about time that we start looking for new options.